AUGUST 19, 2012: FAST ‘N LOUD – HAVEN’T I SEEN THIS CRAPPY SHOW BEFORE ON TV?

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The problem with television is it will take a new idea and copy it to death.

 

The bigger problem with television is that it will take a really bad idea and copy it to death.

 

A very painful copy of a bad idea is the new car guy conflict show called ‘Fast’n Loud’ on Discovery Channel.

 

I barely got halfway through my first episode and I wanted the guys on this show to be bait for Shark Week on Discovery.

 

Once again they used the worn-out ‘American Chopper’ format with unlovable characters who bad-act their way through another contrived conflict TV show with tight deadlines. One begins to wonder whether there is an original thought left in TV Land when they trot out yet another horrific rip-off of the Jesse James/Boyd Coddington/ Senior and Junior Teutul parade of cartoon characters.

 

You can plug and play these TV clowns in any of the formulaic storyline as they follow the script and demonstrate zero acting chops with less-than-zero personal likability.

 

‘Fast ‘n Loud’ has a pointy-bearded alpha male lead hand and a ZZ Top wannabe as his sidekick on the show.

 

The episode I watched starred a very solid 1970 Lincoln Continental Mark III 2-door coupe that had found its way out of the hands of its original dead owner and into the hands of an unsentimental relative who unloaded it at a car dealership.

 

Pointy-Bearded Guy and ZZ Wannabe took the car on a torture test drive before they bought it from the dealer. They had little use for the originality of the car as an elegant reminder of Detroit’s finest from 42 years ago.

 

Instead they planned to slam it, tart it up, throw on a nice set of pimp tires and sell it at an auction. The Lincoln was doomed from the minute its original owner breathed his last breath and left his mint Lincoln to a dark future in a very tired TV plot line.

 

They eventually completed their destruction of an excellent survivor car and sold it at auction for a profit. Now where have I seen this story before?

 

I hate these shows. I learn very little about the expertise and skills needed for a project and way too much about the unlikable clowns who take center stage on the shows. That is the biggest problem with the Hollywood vision of cars: the producers know nothing about the car culture and care less than nothing about the philosophy of real car guys.

 

I mourn the death of that classic Mark III. It died and became a pimped-out zombie car because not enough people cared about it after the death of the original owner-least of all the soul-less TV programmer geniuses who dreamed up another idiotic way to destroy classic cars.

 

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They don’t make 1970 Lincoln Continentals any more, but they still make ways to butcher the few quality survivors that are left on TV.

 

Just look for the nearest TV producer borrowing somebody else’s horrifically bad idea about a car show.

 

Jim Sutherland

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