JUNE 12, 2013: “JUST ONE MORE THING AND THEN IT’S DONE”–THE WAR CRY OF THE DELUDED CAR GUY

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Well known philosopher Yogi Berra had it right because it really “ain’t over until it’s over”.

 

There are no better examples of this cold hard fact than a car project- even though many car guys are foolish enough to believe otherwise.

 

The end of a car project is really just a fake rabbit on a greyhound track and most car guys are like those plucky but dumb, skinny mutts who will never get to the fake rabbit, no matter how hard they try.

 

There is no finish line for car projects and there is no mouthful of fake rabbit for the dogs.

 

 

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The good thing is neither car guy nor skinny dog will ever give up their relentless chase in earnest pursuit of their impossible dream. In fact both man and beast would be lost without the eternal chase.

 

My nephew reminded me of this fact when he told me that he bought a Fox body Mustang for what could only be described as a very modest purchase price. The low price helped his case when he approached his bride and told her that the impending birth of their second child would be accompanied by another blessed event: an inexpensive little Ford from the Reagan years.

 

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These kinds of conversations are not magic moments for wives in the latter stages of the last trimester of pregnancy, but my nephew supported his case with the news that his inexpensive Mustang just needed one thing and then it would be done; in this case it was a simple seal kit.

 

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Happily, he won the day and he swears that his Fox body is well on the road to recovery when the parts go in the car, presumably in a more successful fashion than the road to recovery taken by Lindsay Lohan.

 

One can hope against all odds that he is right, but we all know that he could re-build every component in his mid-80s Ford Mustang and he would still be just slightly behind the mechanical rabbit. He would be nipping at its fake heels, but we all know how this one ends: there is no ending for car projects.

 

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There will always be one more thing to fix and one more river to cross for car guys. The car guy will find a reason to put an upgrade on the vehicle to make it stronger, faster or prettier than before the upgrade. Either that or the old car will provide its own reason for more work: mechanical breakdown.

 

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That is the way it works in car guy world. We have talked to hundreds of car guys and we have yet to talk to anyone who could pass a lie detector test when they say; “No, I have no future plans to change anything more on my vehicle.”

 

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These guys would explode the machine with that kind of bold-faced lie and that is the unspoken truth behind the plucky notion that the car “just needs one more thing and then it’s done”.

 

Jim Sutherland

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