MSCC APRIL 28 FIVE FOR FRIDAY: DO OLD CARS AND TRUCKS MAKE GOOD LAWN ORNAMENTS?

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A car crop is a clear-cut case of beauty in the eye of the beholder. Most people would describe them as eyesores, but we at MyStarCollectorCar beg to differ if the collection is comprised of ancient non-21st century vehicles.

Therefore, the burning question comes to mind: Do old cars make good lawn ornaments?

Surprisingly, our short answer would be a measured “No”–even with a good collection of flowers in the mix- because we have five good reasons why vintage rides should not end up as lawn ornaments.

Jim Sutherland

The first reason is they were never built to be a home for peonies- they were born to run, according to unapologetic narcissist Bruce Springsteen. Nobody ever bought a vehicle from a dealership and thought, “Now that would make an ideal home for my geraniums this summer”. Instead, they wanted the vehicle to answer the bell for their transportation needs and not their gardening needs.

The second reason is an old vehicle encrusted with rust is not a work of art, despite the best efforts of many public servants and politicians to pay flakes exorbitant amounts of money to weld together junk and call it art. A big herd of unwilling taxpayers get to pay for this grift and are not happy when they see a rusty old car on their neighbor’s front lawn because it reminds them of the expensive “art” they were forced to buy via their taxes.

The third reason is the scarcity of old vehicles in the 21st century, be they restorable or an invaluable source of parts for car guys. “They aren’t making them anymore” is an old chestnut that is painfully obvious to every car guy who is forced to search for an extinct car brand when it becomes a very rare restoration project or parts source because nobody makes them anymore.

Consequently, an old ride that has become a four-wheeled home for daffodils may be a golden opportunity for a motivated car guy who will view the inert flower holder as the answer to their vintage vehicle needs and dreams.  

The fourth reason is flowers on a vintage vehicle should only be placed on it before a wedding and not after it has breathed its last and become a convenient lawn prop for horticulturists with no car guy soul. The sight of an old car bulging at the seams in a sea of petunias and daisies is a horrifying image for car guys because it’s like using Secretariat to pull a one-horse open sleigh in his post retirement career.

It’s a sad and inglorious end for a vintage vehicle that goes against every element of the car guy code to love, honor and respect old iron.

The fifth and final reason vintage vehicles make lousy lawn art is their inability to blend into the scenery.  Old cars, trucks, and green grass mix about as well as legendary TV misfit barfly Cliff Claven mixes in any social occasion, including any event held at Cheers. 

Living flower beds on dead old cars will not change that reality compared to a bill of sale for the rusty relic because that situation will give it a less sad and much rosier (pun intended) future with an actual car guy.

Talk about a happy ending as a non-lawn ornament for the old war wagon.

Jim Sutherland

BY: Jim Sutherland

Jim Sutherland is a veteran automotive writer whose work has been published by many major print and online publications. The list includes Calgary Herald, The Truth About Cars, Red Deer Advocate, RPM Magazine, Edmonton Journal, Montreal Gazette, Windsor Star, Vancouver Province, and Post Media Wheels Section. 

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