There are many signs of the incurable malady that we at MyStarCollectorCar call Chronic Car Guy disease, so it is our public duty to warn the world about this silent pandemic.
The first sign of Chronic Car Guy disease is a subtle one and may even go unnoticed by the afflicted person’s inner circle of friends and family. The car guy with a potential problem may take a deep interest in any property with a large garage or a full-on shop within its boundaries.
An afflicted car guy will demonstrate unbridled envy whenever he drives by a property with a giant shop that can clearly house many vehicles at one time, plus he will fantasize about state-of-the-art car lifts and other wondrous automotive items hidden behind its sturdy doors and tall walls.
The second sign of Chronic Car Guy disease is an uncontrollable desire to dive into the deep end of a buy/sell online advertising automotive website, including an email sign-up to get early notices about new additions to the old ride section.
The afflicted car guy will know he is not the only one with Chronic Car Guy disease and may buy a vehicle simply to prevent another car guy from buying the vintage ride. Buying a highly unnecessary vintage ride is an impulsive act that is a troubling symptom of Chronic Car Guy disease and may impact the victim’s storage space until his inevitable divorce from a non-car girl bride frees up some extra room.
Which brings us to the third symptom for Chronic Car guy disease: hidden stashes of old rides. Every car guy with a problem knows the next car may be his divorce car so he may hide them from his bride on other car guys’ properties where their vintage vehicles should remain undetected if he paid cash for the old cars and does not share his dark secret with too many people.
The secret cache of rusty relics will feed his insatiable appetite for project cars, but the afflicted car guy will always have room for one more because that is the grim reality of Chronic Car Guy disease.
The fourth symptom of Chronic Car Guy disease is an uncontrollable urge to own every tool in the known automotive universe. The unfortunate victim will encounter serious blockades during a project and most of the problems can only be remedied by a specialty tool that has the right dimensions and features to reach around blind corners for removal/installation of an inaccessible part or bolt.
Specialty tools are very expensive, but they may prevent a long soul-crushing (and skin-ripping) project experience for car guys. However, buying too many specialty tools may ignite a long soul-crushing (and heart-ripping) divorce process for hapless victims of Chronic Car Guy disease.
The fifth and final symptom of this insidious illness is unchecked denial by the affected victim. The sick car guy may deny he even has a problem, while believing he will live 17 lifetimes to complete his projects and have an endless river of cash, along with the most understanding bride in the history of mankind-including the Flintstone era.The denial symptom is arguably the most dangerous element of Chronic Car Guy disease and should not be taken lightly by the victim or the people around him.
BY: Jim Sutherland
Jim Sutherland is a veteran automotive writer whose work has been published by many major print and online publications. The list includes Calgary Herald, The Truth About Cars, Red Deer Advocate, RPM Magazine, Edmonton Journal, Montreal Gazette, Windsor Star, Vancouver Province, and Post Media Wheels Section.