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FIVE GOOD REASONS NOT TO BUY AN ELECTRIC MUSTANG

Jerry Admin

I’ll be honest, I pay little to no attention to electric cars and trucks.

To me, they are the hell spawn of green maniacs and grifters who were able to mix a golden business opportunity with gullible governments tripping over themselves to hand somebody else’s cash to the planet-saving scam.

Jim Sutherland

Show me any green initiative that exists without a boatload of public money thrown its way and I will show you a unicorn, sasquatch, or any other mythical entity of your choice. Electric vehicles fall squarely in that heavily subsidized category and have never been embraced by North American car buyers in a profitable way, so I have little regard for them as a realistic form of transportation. Particularly in my very frigid winter community that shows no signs of oranges growing outdoors in January.

Consequently, it took me four years to wrap my head around a Mustang Mach-E because I ignored its existence and was confused by its name, right up to a few weeks ago when I got behind one in traffic and noticed the ‘Mustang’ label on the back end of a soccer mom sport utility. It is the new age replacement for a minivan that I assume is supposed to camouflage a Mustang Mach-E’s true calling as a kid-hauler. It was an automotive plan destined for disaster and created by Ford’s really bad idea team. 

Sad how the mighty have fallen because the legendary Mustang was always a Secretariat and now it’s a kid’s pony ride at a county fair.

There are at least five good reasons not to buy an electric Mustang-and five might be a light number in my opinion, but this is a ‘Five for Friday feature, so I will hold my list to five.

Reason number one: it would be difficult to watch Frank Bullitt chase the bad guys in a soccer mom Mustang-even more difficult if Bullitt ran out of electricity during the famous car chase scene in the iconic movie.

The bad guys would have died from uncontrollable laughter instead of a fiery car crash in their 1968 Dodge Charger. Bullitt needed his big block ’68 Mustang fastback to make the chase sequence work and help Steve McQueen keep his King of Cool title.

Reason number two: Mustangs were never built to be practical. They were built to squeeze two adults in the front and two people you hate in the back seat.  There was very little practicality to a fastback Mustang with a monster big block shoehorned under its hood. An old school Mustang couldn’t even haul the starting lineup for a kid’s soccer team because they were not new age electric minivans flying under a false flag of Mustang-ness.

Reason number three: You will have heated debates with people who love classic Mustangs and hate your electric Mustang Franken-car. A Mustang Mach E will offend them at a very fundamental level because Ford was clearly trying to link their electric car with their famous internal combustion Mach models from the past. It was the highest level of square-peg-in-a-round-hole effort in futility.

In fairness, the Mach E will get closer to unreachable Mach speeds than a vintage 1970 Mach 1, but it will still look like a misshapen box in a sad search for style–and saddled with an electric engine that will anger up Mustang purists.

Reason number four: Driving a muscled-up classic Mustang is all about the sound when the propulsion is provided by a noisy big block dinosaur-an internal combustion engine that left the factory with a mighty roar. A Mustang Mach E can only produce the sounds of silence-even under heavy acceleration-and not the good Simon and Garfunkel sound of silence.

Silence is not golden when it comes to whirring noises under the hood of an electric Mustang.

Our final reason number five is a question: do you really want to climb behind the wheel of a soccer mom’s electric chariot and pretend it bears any resemblance to a legend that fired up the pony car movement in the North American automotive market over 60 years ago?

Neither do we.

Jim Sutherland

BY: Jim Sutherland

Jim Sutherland is a veteran automotive writer whose work has been published by many major print and online publications. The list includes Calgary Herald, The Truth About Cars, Red Deer Advocate, RPM Magazine, Edmonton Journal, Montreal Gazette, Windsor Star, Vancouver Province, and Post Media Wheels Section. 

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